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Creating A Lasting Legacy
by Constance Matthiessen
The word legacy is frequently used to describe the property that people leave their heirs when they die. But every human being also leaves behind a nonmaterial legacy -- one that's harder to define but often far more important. This legacy comprises a lifetime of relationships, accomplishments, truths, and values, and it lives on in those whose lives they've touched.
Recent research has established that, as people age, they continue to face important developmental milestones. Aging, it turns out, provides opportunities for learning and emotional growth that can be deep and sustaining. Creating a meaningful legacy is a key part of this developmental process.
In his book How to Say It to Seniors, geriatric expert David Solie defines a personal legacy as "the unique footprint we want to leave for our time on earth." Physician and gerontologist Gene Cohen describes the same phenomenon in a different way. Older people, he says in his book The Mature Mind, are driven by an urgent desire "to find larger meaning in the story of their lives through a process of review, summarizing, and giving back."
There's much you can do to support friends and relatives as they sort through the past and assess the contributions they've made and the memories they'll leave behind. This process can be deeply healing and gratifying.
Recognizing someone's legacy will help you understand her better and appreciate her more -- and you may learn something about yourself in the process. For the person you're caring for, it provides the opportunity to celebrate a life well lived.
As David Solie says, "Aging in this culture is seen as a disease and a failure. Older people internalize that message and feel like failures. Our message to them should be that they are not failures. They have a lot to be proud of, and they are loved and appreciated. They can die as they have lived -- with integrity and meaning. That is what the legacy-building process is all about."
Most older adults are driven to take on the search for their legacy, whether they're conscious of it or not. If you pay attention to someone close to you, you'll detect signs that she's looking back into the past and reviewing her life choices. She's likely to talk about the watershed events that helped determine her life's path as well as the people who influenced them. She may wish to contact old friends, visit the street where she grew up, or take a trip to a place that holds special meaning.
If you want to support her through this process, the most important thing you can do is show up and pay attention. Rather than tuning out or changing the subject, try to really listen to what she has to say. It may be difficult to listen to well-worn memories and anecdotes, particularly if you've heard them before. But the stories she tells over and over often hold a key to the legacy issues she's working through.
You'll find her reminiscences more interesting if you take an active role. Ask probing questions to help your friend or relative view his or her experiences from different perspectives. Think of creative ways to stimulate her memories and reflections.
About the Author
Creating A Lasting Legacy
Helping Someone Recognize Her Legacy
Iron maiden - the legacy
one of iron maiden's best songs ever
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